Of bullies and low self esteem

The emotional well-being of our children, siblings, nieces and nephews can easily be shaken by bullies; who make them feel less than they deserve to feel. Let us spread awareness on bullying, and fight so as to put an end to these horrendous acts. Let us strive to reinforce the self-worth of our loved ones, and also encourage them to speak up when such inequities happen to them. Most importantly, lets not only listen but let us act as well.
Spread the word, cheers and have a lovely week ahead.
yours truly
abby osidiana

Of Food, Life and Love

BUL

Millions of individuals get bullied every year. As much as the popular cases of bullying are  known to occur in schools, bullying also takes form among adults. I have never been bullied, and I thank God for that. But I guess someone somewhere, has had this experience at one point in their life.

The emotions that come with being a victim to such atrocious acts in its various forms are clearly not so pretty. But that, we already know. Right now, I’m trying to understand the other side of the coin; where the bully feels like they dominate.

I bet there is a little stupid worm in their head that goes “buhahahahahaaaa, i’m better than you, you little victim of mine”. But when we get to the true bottom of this, you learn that bullies have bigger emotional issues than you can probably imagine. Their acts can be attributed to:…

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I’m just trying to figure it out

I took the first scary jump of handling my hair situation. It started with a small snip of the split ends, then came two more bold chops in two consequent months. With the new do came fore-seen challenges. Challenges that only women with short textured hair can relate to. Right now, I’m fumbling through which products to use, and how to keep it sane. But I must say it’s fun to run my fingers through the kinkiness when I’m bored.  And I love that it’s tough, kinky, and mine. But this is such a strange stage. Because honestly, I’m just trying to figure it out.

I’m not the best at spending or saving money. But I surely must appreciate that I have come a long way. The hustles and bustles of being on the grind trying to make a coin independently, comes with great rewards. But age and some newfound experience teaches me the importance of learning to work, and enjoy my hard earned money; but also being wise enough while doing it . I’m learning that every woman should be sensible enough to save for a rainy day. That the money you make should be able to help a person other than yourself. That money comes and goes. And the hard lesson that unexpected things can happen, that require your financial attention; and have the potential to throw your financial plans off balance. I guess i’m getting better at this whole financial aspect. But this is such a strange stage. Because honestly, I’m just trying to figure it out.

I’m very entrepreneurial in my own right. I guess going to get what I want is an easy concept for me. I’ve had a job in sales, I’ve been an intern in an architectural firm, and have also been an intern in an interior design firm. I’ve have also successfully started and run two small businesses on my own. I’ve done African jewelry and cupcakes all in different time spans. Additionally, I tutor guitar, I run my own blog, and I write on the sides too. I love all that I’ve learnt through the different brief “career” paths I’ve had. Their extreme differences have taught me invaluable lessons, and I want to try a few more; just before I can chose a suitable business venture for my future. Additionally, I’m trying to build my professional interior design career as well. With this comes the massive attempts to master my craft, and learn as many skills as necessary. Because it is important for me to raise my competencies, to levels that will be beneficial to myself and to the organizations I shall work for. But it takes a lot of discipline to juggle all that I set out. And I must say this is such a strange stage. Because honestly, I’m just trying to figure it out.

I love this journey into womanhood. It comes with learning: how to look and feel my best, how to make the most of my day, how to be the most helpful at home, how to make little steps towards my five year plan. Additionally, I’m learning to multitask like every great woman should. I’m also learning how to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better aunt, and a better friend. Most importantly, the day to day running’s teaches me how to incorporate other people in my life other than myself. Although I must say this is a struggle. Why? Because I really value alone time. Then comes the issues of patience, grace and self-respect. The learning curve has proven that people will treat you how you want them to. That having respectable levels of standards, has such vast positive outcomes. That we are responsible to make proactive choices for ourselves that will either uplift our lives, or drop us down a steep cliff. That good things come to those who wait. That respect is two way. And that being patient, gracious but at the same headstrong; will pull more positive people into your space. But again, isn’t some of these common sense items that we often choose to overlook? I must say, this is such a strange stage. Because honestly, I’m just trying to figure it out.

I’m a bit precautious, about the whole dating scene. Because so many forget that a love partnership takes really high levels of: respect, consideration, humility, mutual understanding, and independence on both ends.  But mainly because it is really easy to forget that actions mean more than uttered words. Let’s not even get to the fact that there are hundreds of mediocre men strutting themselves around. But we must agree, no one is really perfect right? And I cant honestly take away the fact that there are so many amazing individuals as well. But i must admit, it gets so lonely sometimes. Then unexpectedly, being single gets so comfortable; that the idea of dating seems like a complete inconvenience. But with all those personal milestones to achieve, would it be sane to introduce someone else into the frenzy? This is such a strange stage. Because honestly, I’m just trying to figure it out.

What are you trying to figure out? please let me know in the comment section below.

Like, share, follow and have a lovely week ahead.

Cheers

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GUM

HIT BY A GUSH OF SMELL

I read an interesting post the other day. The piece had some sort of pointers that anyone can use to easily identify a dirty woman. Among many valid points on the list, was the assertion made by the author that a lady’s cleanliness can be defined by whether or not she has some chewing gum in her bag.

That assertion in my opinion seems a bit much. Why? Because all along I have been aware of some basic essentials that a woman needs to have in her purse at all times. And quite frankly, gum hasn’t been one of them. I mean, isn’t it unfair to make such a loose argument to sterotype a woman who has everything within her cleanliness department in order? Anyway, the topic has resonated the last few weeks. And I still felt that the gum assumption was harsh.

But my opinion changed yesterday.

I was on my way home from work in the evening, and I sat next to a certain lady. She looked quite neat, presentable and well kempt. You know: her hair looked nice, her eyebrows were on point, her clothes were presentable, and she smelled relatively good for someone who was up and about that day. I must say, she was scoring highly in the “all clean- woman” score card. But that was until she opened her mouth.

It would be safe to say that I survived a nasty nasal block by God’s grace.

But if we were to be a bit human and realistic, i can’t really blame her. You know, she probably showers twice a day, and brushes her teeth twice a day. Perhaps she even flosses her teeth. However during the day, there are moments when your mouth keeps shut for such long periods of time. For instance, when you are seated in your car, or on the matatu ride home. I mean, you can’t quite help the silence sometimes. I know that  you may occassionally get a talkative person seated next to you to keep your jaws active.  But on the moments that you don’t, you can’t talk to yourself right?

Come to think about it,  perhaps she felt like my mouth had a horrendous smell as well. I don’t know. Needless to say, I learnt my lesson. And I purchased myself a pack of gum.

Of bullies and low self esteem

BUL

Millions of individuals get bullied every year. As much as the popular cases of bullying are  known to occur in schools, bullying also takes form among adults. I have never been bullied, and I thank God for that. But I guess someone somewhere, has had this experience at one point in their life.

The emotions that come with being a victim to such atrocious acts in its various forms are clearly not so pretty. But that, we already know. Right now, I’m trying to understand the other side of the coin; where the bully feels like they dominate.

I bet there is a little stupid worm in their head that goes “buhahahahahaaaa, i’m better than you, you little victim of mine”. But when we get to the true bottom of this, you learn that bullies have bigger emotional issues than you can probably imagine. Their acts can be attributed to: the need to display dominance and control, their inability to manage their anger and emotions, the psychotic need to derive pleasure out of watching people crumble in pain, and also due to a history of abuse, bullying and emotional neglect at a point in their life. In my opinion, these aren’t excuses valid enough to torment another human being, but hey, it does seem valid enough to them right?

So my dear bully, as you sit on your high horse and make useless attempts to break me, let’s just get some things straight. First of all, you are not better than me. I just don’t retaliate to your low acts of unkindness because I have a lot more constructive things to do with my time. Secondly, I have mastered the art of killing with kindness, which quite frankly has paid off in more ways than one. Thirdly, I am a lot happier than you because I have more meaningful relationships with people than you ever could with that kind of attitude. And by the way, I am ten times comfortable with being myself than you could ever be with all the money, style, good looks or crowds that you hide behind.

Quite frankly at this point I could barely care about how opinionated you are about my face, my accent, my body size, my legs, my hair, my physical structure or the way I dress. I have a breath-taking ensemble of confidence, intellect and mind blowing capacities of love for self. So, the next time you feel like you need to boost your self- esteem by trying to put me down, go check yourself.

F

DS

NB: the images used to illustrate are from the internet.

Were you raised by a mango tree?

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Have you ever met someone who did or said something so questionable that you barely react? You instead stare wondering who the hell raised this ill-mannered individual. It is even worse when it is an adult who clearly should know better. So instead of giving them a WELL DESERVED INAPPROPRIATE response you just stare in silence wondering “seriously, were you raised by a mango tree?”

You know, the older i get, the more i realize how little things like decency have an immense impact on your life. I realize that this word “decency” may not necessarily have the same meaning to all of us. But my understanding of it can be separated into three:

1) The ability to apply basic norms of courtesy such as  frequently using the words sorry, please and thank you.

2) Dressing appropriately….i mean cute, neat, presentable and chic. Finding your own appropriate way of dressing to show your character and personality within the confines of decency. But again, decency is relative right? I mean, dressing to the occasion. For instance, the way you dress to the beach and the way you dress to the office, or a hike would be completely different. if its the beach for instance, rock the hell out of that sexy bikini. In the office however….I guess you get the drift.The confines of decency would vary depending on the occasion.

3) Your state of mind i.e remaining humble and grounded. How you treat others goes a long way in portraying your maturity. After all, there is nothing you lose by being a decent human being, or is there?

The ethos that prevails today is that being nice and decent may not really be a necessity. Success and money drives us so insane that every other important aspect fly right out the window. I however feel that whether we like it or not, we live in society and we need others.

By the way, there are some perks to being nice, decent and polite.
1) It makes and you a lot more productive.
2) It makes others around you more productive and makes you less repulsive
3) It allows you to adapt to diverse environments.

I know a healthy dose of bile once in a while can be nice, effective even. And im not saying that the whole world should be overly nice. That is impossible. In fact if we were all overly nice, it would be a boring reality.

I’m just saying understand the fundamental rules of niceness, decency  and courteousness. Additionally, learn to choose your battles wisely so as to make fewer enemies along the course of life. Also, always remember to dress the part and you know, remain humble and grounded.

I asked a couple of people what they understood if someone told them to be decent. And here is what they think being decent means.

….I think it revolves around neatness,smartness and maturity. The way you look, to the way you think…

…being presentable in public…

…to behave appropriately …

… to be conservative…

…not being vulgar…

…not too flashy…

…morally acceptable…

…cover yourself…

…being in a state that makes everyone around you comfortable…

…to look modest and presentable…

Here is an interesting quote I found online: images_66
Whatever the word means to you, let us try to be decent this year.

All the best loves, and have a fruitful week.

Cheers

A FORK-FULL OF HEAVEN

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Today i am feeling quite chill. I have no work deadlines , no school projects; just ample time for me to do whatever i want.

So all morning, i have been browsing the net, reading blog posts and checking whats going on on social media. I am looking at the updates by my friends from
primary, high school and campus. And I have realized three major things in common with a majority of them.

GRADUATING, PREGNANT
or GETTING MARRIED.
Okay, let me just ask. Did i not get this memo that clearly went around? At least i got the “ you need to graduate soon memo”. What happened to the other two memos?
Perhaps the delivery guy got hit by a car.
Honestly I think time is either moving too fast or i am just too damn slow.

so yeah, click, click …next site.. click click click…….

Right about now, the idea of a chocolate cupcake with lots of frosting is seducing its way into my head. I am making strong attempts to shake it off but it ain’t working loves. So i guess today I should make some to kill my craving.

That sounds like a plan.
So now I’m in the kitchen, and for the best results i will use my secret recipe.
Here is what the process looks like

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I’ve mixed all the dry ingredients together, and mixed all the wet ingredients together.
I know you have noticed a glass of red wine. That wont go into the cake, that’s for me to indulge in .

So I’ve mixed the wet and dry ingredients

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Now i’ve greased the baking tins, and lined them with cupcake wrappers

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I’ve filled in the mixture

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I’ve baked them for fifteen minutes and placed them on the rack to cool off

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I’ve frosted them and taken a greedy fork-full

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I must say they were amazing.

They smell good, they taste great, and they are as moist and spongy as i like it.

So yeah, i guess i deserve a pat on the back.

And NO, you are not invited.

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PACKING MY SHIT

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So, today was kind of weird.
Weird?
No. Perhaps exhausting would be the appropriate word to use.
Packing is one of the things I hate to do the most. But it reaches that time of the semester when it can’t be avoided.
We spend so much time and money to make our environs comfortable and cozy, just to be forced to stuff them all in a bag at the end of every semester.
Sigh..
Like me, most of you are procrastinating the whole packing process. But it hits you that you need to get the hell out when you see notices stuck all over, informing you of the exact time when you need to vacate the premises.

The whole process is more annoying when you are a student who lives in a whole other city, far away from school. You are frustrated that yet again, you have to ask someone that you really don’t know to store your stuff for at least four months at their house.

So it’s the last minute, you are in a frenzy trying to organize and fit everything you have in all the storage you can possibly get. ln your head, you swear not to have so much stuff ever again.
But will that really work?
NO?………… okay.
So you are basically in a fight with your suitcases.
You have to literally sit on it, or ask your neighbor to stand on it for the zippers to close. Stuffed to a point that the bags get marred, you are finally done.

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Now you are more calm and more receptive to the idea of doing this all over again next semester. And you have accepted that  the packing struggles are part of the whole student experience.
So to all students who are either struggling to fit all their crap into annoying bags, or trying to get last minutes tickets for their travel back home:
All the best with that,
Keep on keeping on,

And have a happy holiday.

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